What if I don’t want that normal anymore?

Thoughts on going back to normal. What if I don’t want that normal anymore?

One afternoon, I was folding laundry while I listened to my kids playing in the room nearby. I had this silent uneasiness that I could not quite articulate at the time. It had nothing to do with my kids playing, but it had everything to do with my kids playing.

They were playing an imaginary scenario out. In it, the workers had to get to the hospital to save the people. Every (toy) first responder in our home was called in and the excitement was high. They were saving the day and fighting courageously against “the virus”. This struck me on so many levels, but again, that was not the reason for the discontent I was feeling.

My children were doing what children must do. The work of children is playing and they were working out the words and scenarios they have heard recently in their play. They were processing it, turning it around, imagining a powerful outcome, putting words to how they want to feel about it – powerful, not powerless.

So what, Jaime? Kids play like that.

Yes, they do…

If they have space and freedom!

THAT was IT!

When I wrote, “What if…?” I was dreaming about what our kids could dredge out of the mire of this traumatic situation and claim as a nugget of opportunity. I was dreaming of a quieter life, a slower pace, and the space and freedom for kids to just be kids as the entire known world was paused all together, but separate. I was dreaming big, but very small at the same time. Schools were canceled and everyone was scattered to the quiet of their streets and homes. I was quietly and secretly contented in this.

Now, don’t hear me wrong. Education is very important to me. I have completed three post-secondary programs, my husband has two. And we would both love to get more degrees someday. We have worked our butts off and sacrificed to complete and pay-off those degrees and I hope my children will have the privilege to do the same if they want to someday. Education is very normal in our family.

But What if I don’t want that normal anymore.

I can’t speak for your normal, but our normal was stressful on many days. Our mornings were early and tense and rushed and fast. Our days were apart and separate from the ones we love the very most of all. Our evenings were full, and tired, and loud, and too quickly over just to start again, on repeat. I will level with you. I was — I am anxious about going back.

What if I don’t want that normal anymore.

So what do we do now? I don’t know yet. I really truly wish I did, but I don’t know fully yet.

WHAT I DO KNOW IS THIS.

Therefore, if we want things to be different, we are going to have to fight for it. Fight, not in the aggressive, loud, violent way, fight in the quiet strength of a tower. A tower that has a foundation, and firm walls that cannot be moved, a watchtower, and a purpose.

The foundation is our values – what matters most to each family
The firm walls are our boundaries and the limits we will set
The watchtower lookout is our wisdom to see into the future and what we must stand guard against and for, as we live out our purpose
The purpose is to nurture and protect our household, raising children to be history-makers and loving spouses to be the very best they can be.